You don't really have to be a professional author to understand the frustration of suffering writer's block.
It's a sneaky condition. At first you don't even realize what has hit you. It strikes the innocent and accomplished with the same mind-sucking numbness that can result in missed deadlines, failed tests, sleepless nights and irate customers. Victims often feel listless, out of touch or stressed; sometimes resulting in the need for a night of television commercials, a six-pack or even a half gallon of ice cream...eaten with a peanut butter-coated spoon.
I've put together a couple of home remedies that seem to help some. If you read these and neither appeals, there's probably nothing that can be done for you and it's time to find that ice cream.
The Homework Block - This strain seems to strike on Sunday evenings, just about 9:00 pm. It is marked by the victim's amnesiac memory which suddenly kicks in after all pit stops and drinks of water have been exhausted. Often it comes in the form of a book report for a title that was never read, sometimes not even available in the house. Sufferers appear confused and dependent, generally appealing for a stay of execution by the need the take Monday off. The most effective cure has proven to be...exercise. In particular...scrubbing toilets. Whether it's the action of being on the knees with a face buried in the bowl or using an old toothbrush to flake off the crud at the base, the combined movement does wonders for memory recall. Miraculous recoveries have been reported including alternate book options, flooding recall of the original assignment and the ability to download a copy of the title on a Kindle or iPad for quick review and dissertation.
The Freelance Block - Now this type is reserved for those souls who make a living via freelance writing. Early signs include the sudden recognition that the electric is about to be turned off, paired with yet another letter from the bank about that pesky overdraft. Victims often flail helplessly while digging through the computer's hard drives looking for that topic and word count they'd agreed to provide. Additional symptoms include blank monitor screens and an overwhelming desire to go to bed. Observers have reported the appearance of an online Thesaurus, ezine articles and Wikipedia as the victim scours for resources. Random expletives and kicked trash cans have also been witnessed. The most effective cure for this strain seems to be duct tape and a spouse. The idea here is to bind the writer's wrists and tape over his or her mouth so that no communicating response is possible. (Note: do be aware of the kicking feet.) The sufferer is then duct-taped to a chair in the center of the room whereupon his or her spouse has 15 minutes to list every fault, lie, suspected lies, shortcomings and disappointments ever recorded in their relationship. Witnesses have reported initial emotional contortions of the victim's face and form, followed by tears or bulging veins in the forehead and finally fiery resolve in the eyes. The spouse should then secure the car keys, open the front door and with a sharp knife, systematically free the sufferer, leaving the hands bound and the knife within reach. Hasty retreat is advised...followed by a movie, some shopping and then a night on the sofa (for the spouse). The victim will be afforded spontaneous inspiration and the previous symptoms should have disappeared.
Seriously, the best remedy for writer's block is emotional stimulation with creative possibilities. Visit online sites of museums and art galleries. Read a few blogs that deal with the topic you need to write about or prowl through some Google Book previews of books on your subject. Look to controversy and dissension to fire up your indignation. Make note of your emotional response to this related stimuli and gather the components for an mBook™. Include the same components of art, music, video and podcasts that motivated you out of your writer's block doldrum. Think of it this way...the alternative is a toilet or duct tape.
